Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
