I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
