Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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