I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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