Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
