I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
