Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
