and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
