It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
