he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
