it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
