just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
