Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
