im about as happy as oj after his trial
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
