i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
