so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
