i just had sex bonerless
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
