she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
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