and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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