He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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