I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You dont lie about slip and slides
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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