I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
