I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
