Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Randomize
