Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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