Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
