just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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