hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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