I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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