her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
