Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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