Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
