I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
