On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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