There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize