maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
