Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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