Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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