the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
We're too hungover to prance.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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