Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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