she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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