Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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