i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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