i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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