That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
50% drunk capacity currently
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
So vagazzling was a success
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize