A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
