question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
