Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
