Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
