I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
