Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
