She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
