I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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