I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
