Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
