You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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