so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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