Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
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