So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
