brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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