I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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