I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize
