Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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