After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
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