did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
