i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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