This is not my ceiling
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
