she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
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so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
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I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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