i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
