I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
