I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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